Help

Lord, help me to not be such a HUGE girl all the time. Help me to act, and think, and feel like a grown-up. I feel like I can't do anything right. I'm discouraged and feel alone. I get my feelings hurt so easily and it is frustrating. But Lord, could you also help people to understand me a little better?? Let them see things like I do once in a while, because right now I feel like I am the only one who see's life my way. Everyone else is at a different speed and on a different track. Could you give me some company because I'd really like to have some companionship in this boat. Help me not to obsess. But help me to keep heart. Because Lord, I'm failing miserably. Help me to be who YOU want me to be. I just want to feel like I'm doing something right, or that I'm in the right place. I guess all I'm really just asking is: HELP??

I see your blue eyes Everytime I close mine You make it hard to see Where I belong to When I'm not around you

Kev has been gone for almost 10 days now. Watching him leave was the hardest part. I've actually been doing surprisingly well. Well except for when I stay up too late, or I think about how much I ache to see him or to be in his arms....or just to be NEAR him even.....sometimes just when I breathe. In those moments all I can do is pray. Because I promised that whenever I thought about him or started to miss him I had to pray for him. And in those praying moments, my last thoughts to Jesus usually conclude with a "And PLEASE Lord, let him hurry up and marry me already. Amen." 10 days down....18 to go.

Unstable??

So lately I've been realizing I am kind of an emotional wreck. No, seriously though....I really am. Take movies for instance, if there is a part where someone is crying or might cry I WILL cry. It's pretty sad. Books are the same....even songs! Am I just weird or does this happen to other people too?? I feel like a crazy person. But in real life situations I am SO sensitive too! Lately if I think about something sad I will pretty much start to tear up. There is definitely somethin wrong here!! :) I dunno maybe I am just a big baby. All I know is that I am emotional.....almost to the point of being emotionally unstable. Not like bipolarity or anything like that! Just seriously sensitive. Anyone have any helpful tips on how to not be such a HUGE girl all the time?? :)

GoneAway

He asks, "Why are you so afraid?" and I don't know what to say. How do I respond without sounding desperate. Desolate. "Because I need you." We both hear the desperation in my voice and I feel ashamed. I should be stronger. Yet the thought of him being far away frightens me and leaves me feeling sad and alone. Not caring if I seem crazy, I stammer, "What if I need you? What happens when I miss you so much it hurts and you aren't here? And what do I do if you need me and I can't get to you? You will be gone and I will be here....alone....well not alone exactly, but lonely." He smiles at me that sweet smile of understanding and cups my cheeks with his warm hands. I look away feeling the tears gathering in my eyes. Softly he speaks, "Look at me." And so I look. Deep into his eyes. Eyes that have watched me dance and walk along the beach. Eyes that have seen all of my silly faces. Eyes that have searched my soul and still love what they see. Those deep blue eyes that see through me to the woman I long to be. And he gently wipes at my tears with his thumb. "I'm not leaving forever. In fact I will be here with you every single day. Because wherever you are, that is where my heart is. We will be okay, my love. We will be okay." And I know that in my heart. We will make it through the miles that separate us. But I say to him, "I will miss you with everything I am. With every breath I take. And with all of my heart. But I will be here waiting for you when you come back to me. Loving you all the more for taking chances and making a way for us. For our life together one day. But just so you know.....it better be soon." And I smile through my tears. He hugs me close to him. I fear that if he lets go I may crumble...but I will be strong for him. I am determined. I will go on keeping myself busy and taking care of things that need to be done. But while he is away I will ache for him. To be in his arms. To kiss him tenderly. Though he is in a different city I will feel him near. And I will be sending all my love to him. ♥

Today I find myself...

In great company! After driving 5 and a half hours to Pleasanton (a four hour drive when you are not in a hybrid car), we arrived at Kate and Tom's house then headed to dinner at Red Robbin. :D Tomorrow we celebrate Elodie Grace Markley's First birthday. (Her real birthday is Tuesday, as I have been so lovingly reminded by the bf.) So crazy! I was there for her birth. She was and continues to be the most beautiful and sweet little girl in the world. I look forward to watching her grow into a gorgeous young lady....Just like her Momma, her Auntie Kate, and her Grandma. :) So goodnight all! Tomorrow brings a whole lot of Joy. ♥

Carreeeeeeeeeeeeeer!!!

I am so filled with joy and excitement as I embark on this new journey in life! Today I interviewed for a full-time hairstylist position at a salon called Bailey A's....she HIRED ME ON THE SPOT! I am so amazed and blessed by God's provision! I have been praying for this opportunity since I started beauty school, then again when I graduated from beauty school, then even further when I got my Cosmetology license.....and now 6 months later after fervently praying and applying and searching for a job, I've finally found one!! All by the grace of God. :D I am so unbelievably ecstatic! So please continue to pray for me that I would do my best at all times and that I may be a light in my workplace to show love and compassion and helpfulness to the women I work with.

P.S. Also pray for Kevin as he goes for a 2nd interview to be the Restaurant Manager of the California Pizza Kitchen in Santa Barbara! Pray that God either opens this door for him, or shows him he needs to be here and finish up his degree at Cal Poly. Either way, we are both headed toward big things bay-bay! Hehe. Thanks all 2 of you who read this....(including Kevin). :D Love ya! ♥

Ice Cream

I really want ice cream.....like super really bad right now. I'm having a giant craving....but no way to fulfill it. It is 12:30 a.m. and all of the stores within walking distance are closed. A conundrum. What shall I do?! I need ice cream. Someone help?? Kevin is mean and left me to lust after my ice cream....what a help! So I have shunned him. SHUNNNNNNN. The end.